Testing

Salvete,

I'm afraid it is now time to write a post on testing. I have mentioned such as testing before, but the spring always brings with it a fresh reminder of the joys of the standardized test. If you ask any teacher what the spring is about in public high school, one word will (if not at first, eventually) come to mind.

Testing.

How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways!
1) TELPAS
2) LAT
3) TAKS
4) STAAR (new)
5) EOCs
6) AP Tests
7) Benchmarks
8) SAT/ACT/THEA (I group these because they do not affect me directly and can take place anytime of year)
9) Etc.

All of the above occur from March 1 to May 30. The school at which I earn my pay tests approximately 2800 students. Do not let this number fool you into some delusion that the students are neatly divided into classrooms in groups of 25 and tested with pretty sharpened pencils.

The state will not allow it.

No.

NO!

Each test must be administerd to a specific population, and at specific times, in specific windows. Proctoring each test requires sometimes multiple trainings. They make the trainings and proctor certifications requirements, because if they did not, no one would go and no one would be certified to proctor the test.

Below, I have provided for you a run-down of what it takes to coordinate a single test date.

1) The testing coordinator makes a giant spreadsheet, because not every student is taking every test, so for this one test date, she has to figure out who is taking what. This spreadsheet must consist of student names, student ID numbers, teachers, room numbers (but what rooms can we use? Anecdote: last year I was supposed to give the TAKS in a room that, when opened, had four wheelchairs, a teacher desk, and a changing screen), and whether that student is special ed or has any kind of accommodations.

2) The testing coordinator sends an email to everyone and forgets to attach the giant spreadsheet.

3) The testing coordinator gets about 45 emails letting her know she forgot the attachment.

4) The testing coordinator corrects her greivous error.

5) The testing coordinator gets about 53 emails letting her know what was wrong with her spreadsheet.

6) And so on.

7) Every day of the week before testing, the teachers remind the students to check the giant spreadsheet sans ID numbers and special ed info (posted in at least 8 places around the building) to ensure they go to the right room on test day.

8) The students show up on test day, vaguely aware that there is something important going on.

9) The students show up to their normal first period, and are turned away by the proctor, a stranger, who tells them to go look at one of the aforementioned 8 occurances of giant spreadsheets which have mysteriously appeared in the last week, and which the children claim never to have heard of before.

10) Testing commences.

11) Active Monitoring (AM) commences. Now, you may be asking "Shouldn't you say, "Active monitoring (Am)"? To you doubters of my abilities in understanding the rules of capitalization, I say, "Clearly you have never proctored a test." AM involves the following:
a) Forcing the students to stand outside your door as you check each one of them in.
b) Taking each student's lunch order.
c) Forcing them to part with anything they brought and put it at the front of the room.
d) Taking away and labeling their cell phones or other electronic devices.
e) Filling out a provided seating chart that does not match the dimensions of the room.
f) Taking attendance 3 times (not a hyperbole).
g) Reading the test directions and helping people understand how to write their names.
h) Admitting late students, who also require all of the above procedures.
i) Walking around the room for a period of four to five hours. You may not sit.
j) Escorting students to the bathroom like they are five years old.
k) Recording who and what time they went to the bathroom.
l) Blah blah blah.
m) Collecting all test materials and delivering them back to the office.
n) Delivering any students who are (impossibly) not finished with the test to another place.
Letters "a" through "h" must be done to 25 students in approximately 10 minutes.

12) Class (usually lunch and third period) commences. The children are drained and prone to misbehavior.

13) A movie is started in every classroom on campus, and the children form theories about why they have to come to school a full day if all we do is watch a movie after TAKS. The teachers also wonder this, and may or may not express their wonderment.

I guess that's it.

Don't you want to be a teacher?

Valete.
Magistra