Salvete,
Something one hears about work is: Keep your personal life and your work life separate.
I have always prided myself on being one of those teachers who never takes work home. I tell my students, "Work is work, and home is home." Some teachers grade at home over a glass of wine--or something stronger--and I have always imagined that if I did that, by the end of the evening, everyone would have A's. In your dreams, students.
On the other side of leaving papers at work to be graded, I also try to leave emotions at home to be forgotten until I walk back in the door to my charming abode around 4 o'clock each day. In my last post, I discussed being ON at work, so that one wears one's teacher hat around the kids. My particular metaphorical teacher hat looks something like a fedora--very cool--with some weird feathers and maybe a music box attached. The aura I try to portray around the children is quirky, organized, and interested in them. Quirky I am. Organized I also am. Whether or not I am interested in them is less certain. Either way, they generally see me as a personable and forgiving adult who will never rage at them. I may get serious for a few minutes while I discuss their bad behavior, but I immedately snap back into happy-go-lucky Magistra as soon as the berating is over.
Such snappage leads to one or more students a year suggesting I become a professional actress. In my more desperate moments, I entertain the notion, but then remember how actresses do not really get summer/winter vacations unless they are very good at what they do, or insanely hot, and I do not imagine myself to be either to the necessary degree.
Digression ended.
All this to say, lately I have been having a problem keeping the two separate. I feel that I am coping with the seepage in an unhealthy way. Some stuff is going on in my non-work-life, and has quietly leaked into my work-life thoughts. How do I deal? I put all of my ON energy into my kids during passing period or direct instruction at the start of class. Then, I launch them into whatever activity I have engineered for them that day. Do not misunderstand me here. The activities that I make require cooperation, critical thinking, sufficient homework, and plenty of reading and writing. However, once they have embarked on their activity, I sit at my desk and do a whole lot of nothing.
Papers get graded, things get done, but I feel that I am using work as a time to process all of the non-work things.
It is wearing me out. Before, I had work wearing me out at work, and home wearing me out at home. Now, I have work and home wearing me out at work. There, I compensate by ignoring my kids for the majority of the class period, which in turn makes me feel guilty. At home, I also compensate by systematically using every dish and leaving them all dirty, in addition to refusing to fold my clothes. Problem? I think so.
Anyone who knows me well knows that when I let things get messy, it is time to worry.
Solution? Quit work or quit life. Priorities! Just kidding. But I will figure something out. Until then, thank God my kids are really well behaved.
Valete,
Magistra
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Like a Lamp
Salvete,
As a teacher, one has to be ON all the time. What I mean by being ON is this: whatever mood you were in when you came to school, that mood is irrelevant. Figure it out. Get it together. Love the kids.
If one has a desk job, one can schlump a little bit in the cubicle and grouch around half-way through the morning until coffee time. If one has a job requiring manual labor, one can pour the hurt of the day before into the new day's physical task. If one works in retail or some other wage job, one can take "smoke" breaks or become consumed in a task.
Teachers have to be ON all the time.
This is not to say that other jobs are not taxing in various ways that teaching is not. I am not here to offend (well, maybe a little) or to qualify, just to talk about my thoughts. Get your own blog if you take issue with my opinions.
You may have had teachers who chose not to be ON. They were hateful towards the kids, or let their personal issues run their classroom. The best I can do for my students is to be ON every day, and be the same every day, as much as a human being can. I promised them that the first day of school, and I try to maintain that promise.
However, I have found that being ON from 7:15 to 3:45 takes a toll on my peronsal life. Either I treat my peers/parents like my students out of the habit of being in the teacher persona, or I allow the supressed frustration/grumpiness leak out into personal relationships. I find myself giving so much at work that I take too much when I am home.
Lately, I have had more migraines than usual. Since school started four weeks ago, I have had two severe ones, the aftermath of which has lasted for two or more days. Such frequency is not typical of my migraines. I have been forgetful and distracted, and have been having heart palpitations more than usual. All are signs of stress, insofar as I can tell.
Despite stress, or being ON, or whatever, I love my kids so much. They are incredible every day. I am fortunate to have them in my life. I have already learned from them this year, and they have learned from me. They feel safe in my class, and they feel smart.
Valete,
Magistra
As a teacher, one has to be ON all the time. What I mean by being ON is this: whatever mood you were in when you came to school, that mood is irrelevant. Figure it out. Get it together. Love the kids.
If one has a desk job, one can schlump a little bit in the cubicle and grouch around half-way through the morning until coffee time. If one has a job requiring manual labor, one can pour the hurt of the day before into the new day's physical task. If one works in retail or some other wage job, one can take "smoke" breaks or become consumed in a task.
Teachers have to be ON all the time.
This is not to say that other jobs are not taxing in various ways that teaching is not. I am not here to offend (well, maybe a little) or to qualify, just to talk about my thoughts. Get your own blog if you take issue with my opinions.
You may have had teachers who chose not to be ON. They were hateful towards the kids, or let their personal issues run their classroom. The best I can do for my students is to be ON every day, and be the same every day, as much as a human being can. I promised them that the first day of school, and I try to maintain that promise.
However, I have found that being ON from 7:15 to 3:45 takes a toll on my peronsal life. Either I treat my peers/parents like my students out of the habit of being in the teacher persona, or I allow the supressed frustration/grumpiness leak out into personal relationships. I find myself giving so much at work that I take too much when I am home.
Lately, I have had more migraines than usual. Since school started four weeks ago, I have had two severe ones, the aftermath of which has lasted for two or more days. Such frequency is not typical of my migraines. I have been forgetful and distracted, and have been having heart palpitations more than usual. All are signs of stress, insofar as I can tell.
Despite stress, or being ON, or whatever, I love my kids so much. They are incredible every day. I am fortunate to have them in my life. I have already learned from them this year, and they have learned from me. They feel safe in my class, and they feel smart.
Valete,
Magistra
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